Amy Wilhelmi, LMFT
Trauma can make intimacy feel unsafe — even with a loving partner. Pairing Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with trauma-informed sex therapy allows survivors to resolve traumatic memories and reintroduce pleasure in a gradual, safe way (Shapiro, 2018).
1. Theoretical Lens
EMDR targets maladaptively stored memories, reducing their emotional charge and allowing the nervous system to stay present. Trauma-focused sex therapy then uses sensate focus and body mapping to create new, positive associations with touch (Kaplan, 1974).
2. Clinical Process with “Tanya”
Tanya (32) sought therapy for panic attacks during intimacy after a sexual assault.
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EMDR Phase: We began with resourcing: safe place imagery, bilateral tapping, and container exercises. Once regulated, Tanya processed the assault memory — her SUDs dropped from 9/10 to 2/10 by the final session.
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Sex Therapy Phase: Tanya started with solo grounding exercises, then graduated to gentle, partner-guided touch that emphasized safety over performance.
By the end of treatment, Tanya said, “For the first time, intimacy feels like something I choose — not something that happens to me.” Her experience illustrates what we discussed in Week 10: Reclaiming Pleasure After Trauma: pleasure is not a luxury — it’s a core part of healing.
3. Therapist Reflections
Why EMDR first? It reduced the emotional intensity of the memory enough for Tanya to stay present during sex therapy.
Why gradual exposure? Moving slowly protected against retraumatization and built confidence over time.
Reflection Prompt
How does your body respond to closeness — with openness, fear, or shutdown? What might help your nervous system feel safer as you explore intimacy?
Closing CTA
Next Week: We’ll dive into Attachment + EMDR — how reprocessing attachment-based memories can transform core relational beliefs and create lasting security.
References
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Green, B., & Mitchell, S. (2015). Sexual trauma and dissociation. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
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Halstead, M., et al. (2021). Trauma-focused sex therapy: Integrating safety and embodiment. Sexual and Relationship Therapy.
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Kaplan, H. (1974). The New Sex Therapy. Brunner/Mazel.
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Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy. Guilford Press.